Motorbikes are great fun…until they are not.

Here is a list of NOT

1. Winter

2. Winter with rain

3. There is a swarm of oversized grasshoppers in the way who….DON’T move out of the way ….and , well…the rest is just horrifying

4. Riding without a helmet and recalling the stories dispelled by your mother who was an Emergency Room nurse about how she learned what brains look like thanks to motorcycle accidents. God I used to love my bedtime stories…..

You can’t take Jennifer’s anywhere..PART II

So you might remember from the previous trip, how taking me on a motorcycle could prove well…embarrassing if you are the driver (http://dolphindocu.blogspot.com/2014/03/gaining-weight-and-embarrassingpeople.html). Well, it turns out I CAN DO BETTER!!!

I am riding with Gopal around western Nepal to film him with his family and friends. As usual I am carrying my 70lb world with me on my back. All is great.

Interesting place to wear a helmet? (Photo: J Lewis)

We pull up next to our hotel in the evening. There is a fire pit surrounded by men warming up as the sun goes down. Little did they know…entertainment was coming!

So I try to get off the bike and make the mistake of bending backwards JUST TO what was apparently a critical point according to physics. A point where gravity stops you, hands you a martini, pushes you aside and firmly states “I’m taking over!”. Over the back of the cycle! There was simply nothing to do but just relax and enjoy it and see what was gonna happen. This is simply how I do accidents. Highly recommended method. I mean, think about it. If shit is going down, which for me happens a lot, but for most of you probably not terribly often, why not take that rare opportunity to just marvel at it? Why spend your last seconds in fear. Fear vs awe. Its all attitude.

But anyway, I land on my back with my foot trapped somewhere on the motorcycle. And now since the pack is more than half my weight, I am stuck. Like a beetle. Poor Gopal. He turns around to see his retarded friend stuck on the ground. I am fine. It is actually quite comfortable down there. And I am just giggling and wondering…1) when will they get me up? and 2) will there still be beer left at that time?

What is really funny, apparently there is a disease you can get that causes this retarded motorcycle gravity issue to occur repeatedly. But only when there is a crowd. Of men. And your driver is a man. Who wants to look respectable. But cannot…bc he has a Jennifer. :)

Sucra?

I am now back in Nepal and have to travel far west to where my character is and his family. And to get there I have two options. Well…I suppose I could say three or four if you count horse….or foot…..but lets talk logically. :)  So the choices ARE……plane or bus. Plane or bus. Plane…..or …..bus.

Last time I visited, I opted plane. 

Why bus is shit choice?
http://dolphindocu.blogspot.com/2014/01/advice.html

Mine? Mine bus?

This time the flights within country were much pricier. So I had no choice. Bus. Fuck. Where did I put my will? Ok. Fine. Thanks to super awesome help of Gopal’s friends in Kathmandu, I get my ticket, I get to the bus depot, and most most MOST importantly…..I get on the right bus. :) They tell the girl next to me….to watch out for me. And off we go! 

It is an all night ride. Through switch backs,  through the mountains….with zero guard rails…at speed….IN THE FOG! This is EXACTLY why they said 30% chance of death! Yep.

FUN? F NO!

So how do they keep us calm? Bollywood! 

The quintessential Bollywood dance sequence. 

I did not know what they were saying but I totally understood the film…Twin men…One kinda bad……one kinda good…crazy insane girl tries to kill girlfriend…and…and….and THEN WE DANCE! :) Too bad is only 2.5 hours of a …like 9 hour trip. Ok. Fine. The night goes like this…close eyes…everything is fine…bump bump…open eyes…EDGE!

We go trekking along and I finally fall asleep at about 4 am.  Then they stop and wake me up.  They all say Sucra. Sucra? The girl next to me says…”You want Sucra?” I think….TEA? is that what they are asking? Um…yes…Tea good. I say Yes.

Sucra?

She says “then you have to get off bus.” Ok. I get off bus. So I start to walk towards the little village shop with maybe tea….and then I think…...HEY. Isn’t it weird that in a country of tea drinkers….that NO ONE else is wanting tea but me? Yeah…and then…….Isn’t it weird that I hear the bus engine starting up again?..... And then as I turn around….Isn’t is weird that my bags are here on the curb and the bus is driving away…..from me. :( …….Yeah. ….F……. I wonder what the name of this village is? And if it starts with an S and ends with an a?

Now what? Well…Sigh…….Maybe I should get some tea? :)