Last Stop Cider Pub

So where do I end this part of the adventure? Well. How about a cider pub in

Cider Pub in Bristol, England (Photo: J Lewis)

the UK? Sharing a table with a couple who….might be on the first date?  

I am having my first set of blues which as I understand….happen when you travel far and then return to home base. I am over the top happy about how everything went…but I just don’t want to sit in my flat. So I head next door..yep next door…God bless England…to a cider pub!

What is Bloody fantastic about England is that you can take your laptop, go into a pub, sit at a nice old giant wooden table, work and not look like a weirdo. We simply don’t have anything like this in the US. And I vote we do something about this! Immediately! Bc I need to work and drink and be in a place with people all at the same time! We ALL need this! Trust me!

Well the couple starts to chat with me, and it turns out of all things, one of them just happens to be studying Zoology at the local University AND….just happens to be interested in the study of dolphins!!! I know! Hired on the spot! He now helps us with research and Public relations writing pieces for print media on our foundation. Score! And…best Cider ever!!!

PS. For my followers….ok…who am I kidding….for the cat that watches me

"Fan" of the Jennifer Blog. I write this for you cat!!! GDamnit!
(Photo: JLewis)

type through the window….do not fear…I am continuing to add to this blog bc….the story is no way near done! First…um….I gotta still make a docu out of this footage….second…I have decided to do multiple others and have now already started on these (yes…I am not in England….but you can pretend to think I am…you being…the cat). and third….I will be going back to Asia this December for part two of the mafia meets fishermen meets fish meets demise of Ganges river dolphin if we stay at the status quo. In other words…TONS more to tell. :)

Who needs side mirrors anyway!

So…I am driving now in England….and ….well…I am doing fine….but the people…or rather peoples objects….on the left side of the road….might not be ….happy? I KEEP hitting…. stuff! Not hard…..well not really hard. Stuff like…mirrors on cars (who needs those side mirrors anyway…right?)…curbs..lots of curbs….and maybe a traffic wall thing dividing the road.

I had nothing to do with this one. Or any others…etc. (Source:agdnow.com) 

My plans….to see bits of England first half of each day and then to run through footage second half of each day….and to drink a ton of tea ….and eat amazing English apples and…maybe drink some beer….or a lot of ….beer.

Now to get some Clorox and clean …..EVERYTHING!!!

My only breakdown for the whole trip is in England! Yep…I am an english rental car wimp.

ALL VERY WRONG!!! (Source: www.mirror.co.uk)

I arrive in London at around 5pm but then have to find a way to the terminal where I left my other bag on the way out….which ….takes some time…but I manage. And then I get to the rental car company. What’s that? ……Jennifer? …….Did you say rental car company? Hmmm. Is this a good idea? …….Being you have been travelling for nine hours on a plane….still have DB…..it is dark and raining outside….and they ummm….drive on the wrong side of the road (yes….English people…YOU DO!). Yeah…it was a shitty idea. But I have no other option now….and MUST overcome it. Now. Or forever live at Heathrow. 

So Bloody easy! (Source: en.wikipedia.org)

So I get in the car and the rental people say…. SOOO EASY ….just follow

 the signs. I didn’t get a GPS bc they were gonna charge me 16 lbs a day! And…GREAT!!! My iphone I have now discovered is about to die and I have no idea where my car charger is. So…I must rely on 1) the airport persons directions to the M3 and 2) my drawing of where my hotel is. ….YES!......my drawing!!! 

Off I go…and I immediately get lost. I finally find my way back to the airport. And to the rental lot. The guy at the booth gives me a BOOK. A HUGE BOOK WITH MAPS OF ALL OF ENGLAND!!!! ………..I look back at him………WTF am I supposed to do with this? He says he does not need it. Well guess what? ….NEITHER DO I!!!!!

Ok. I try again…..and once again…this time in a different direction….I get lost. I see a McDonalds. I think….well…I could get a coke and settle down and figure this out. But guess what? ENGLAND CANNOT MAKE PROPER ENTRANCES TO ANYTHING! There is always only one f’ing way in! ONE! WhYYYYY? So…back to the airport. They do the same thing…all you do is take a left and a right and a right. They keep saying this….BUT THIS IS NOT CORRECT! OMG! I just survived ASIA on my own….for 6 weeks…..and here is where I will die…in a car….with the steering wheel on the absolute wrong side of the car.

My sentiments exactly! (Source:flickrhivemind.net)

I leave the rental kiosk again….in the rain…and then I finally lost it. By this I am referring to loosing the liquid that can be excreted from your eyes. BUT! This somehow magically seemed to work! Because through my tears I was able to locate the f’ing signs for GD highway! Blurry vision did the trick! Everything else worked perfectly according to my little hand made map. Slept soundly back in jolly England…where there is the most fantastic beer. And….hot showers!!!

Have small children ever killed people?…Um….YEAH! Ask S. King!

Ok…so….back track to catch you up. I am in this cab in Mumbai….trying to get to my hotel. I have just finished being a shit American saying shit things about the people who moved my bags to the car. We (me and cab driver) are totally lost.  We have all the windows down and the driver eventually decides we should pull over and think about it some. Good idea! Lets take a rest! I am fine with this. Until……….”mam”….”mamm”…..”mammm”……hands through the window. THEY…. have spotted me.

Source: leosdontjudge.wordpress.com

Now…please do not misinterpret. I get the poverty. I am leaving this place with a goal to do as much as I possibly can to help at least the people I worked with and their children…but these kids….THEY ARE GD CREEPY!

I am looking at my phone (in a vain attempt to help navigate)…when they come over.  I without looking up….BC I DON’T WANT THEM TO SEE MY FEAR…..roll up the window next to me. They then move to the front window…I am in the back seat. And the voices get…creepier… and LOUDER….sort of like chanting….or hexing…Yeah…I definitely think it was something all wrong like that…

My feelings are simply….”Driver…start…the….car!”…”START…THE …CAR!!!” “PLEASE GOD…START THE CAR!!!!!!”

The driver starts (THANK GOD) and we meander some more…until I eventually get my iphone to dial an international number and the driver figures out where to go and all is good again.

We get to hotel and the bell man takes my bags to my room. Yes…we are back to the bags…being carried. Which ….is my issue…and what does he say when we get to the room? (and yes I tipped him…without hesitation…bc in hotels this is the gig…right?)…He says…."Merry Xmas". ………….He does NOT say f’ing America. :( I…….. suck.

It is up to the cab driver to keep me alive. Hi! I’m Jennifer and…Yeah….Please don’t let the children eat me

So in the cab…and while the driver speaks not a word of English….I KNOW that he understood the last shitty thing I said. :( And that he had no idea I apologized and explained. He just knew I said a shitty thing and then rambled on for about 5 minutes. Crazy mfing American woman from hell. Great…now do I get to die? It is totally up to him.

So…pretty soon he is wondering aimlessly. I know because I have on my

Source:mumbaimag.com

iphone navigation. I try and tell him when he is on the right path….but he either doesn’t trust me…and you know….I wouldn’t either….or he just doesn’t understand. He asks for the phone number of hotel. Well…this is a bit problematic. Not because I don’t have it…but because…and I really still don’t understand why….but…ok. I am really embarrassed to admit….but…I can’t international call people. Sometimes I figure it out…but mostly I can’t. I suck at it. There are these country codes and plus signs and sometimes a zero and sometimes not…and I don’t know …should there be 10 digits? OMG. I usually have to play with each phone number on my iphone about 20 times before I can get it to work. And usually I give up and use some locals phone. Ok. Side bar… To those of you yelling…Jennifer Get a SIM CARD!! I tried!!! But! It is not all that easy! These countries don’t just hand this shit out to foreigners. I have to hook up with a team mate each country…and they have to get the card for me in their name…and then I give them money to put on it…and I have to give it back to them. It is …outside the law let us just venture to guess. So its not like we go to the seven eleven and get a sim card. And is such a pain that many have talked me out of it! But I digress…

Ok.

So…I had a phone borrowed from a student in Bihar but had to return it when I left…and thus….I am left with my shitty iphone international calling skills. So then the driver asks for the number…and then….OMG….. He could not type the number into his phone. He got some of it…but I think the issue was either…too hard to type and drive…or same issue I have! Country codes…do we use them here…what if it is an Indian phone…vs US phone…so many possibilities…and we are just driving ….around ….and around…and then….the children!