Chilren of the corn…in the city…so …children of the city corn?..I dunno…Just creepy children…PART I

Sneaker Males

In india…there is this deal where these …I will call them sneaker males….hang out around the cabs..right next to them in fact….and then when you turn around they grab your bags and move them three feet into the cab then demand a tip. I have arrived in Mumbai at the airport, when I get to the cab…a sneaker male gets ahead of me ad grabs and runs. Ok. Fine. I know the gig…. I will pay.

Source:http://jalpeshmehta.blogspot.com/2009/10/prepaid-taxi-at-mumbai-airport-on.html

But I don’t have any thing small. I give him a bill that was near the price of the cab ride. I give it to him and ask for change. He says NO!!! …I say YES! ….He says NO. Little mother fucker. I was so pissed. But what could I do?

So…ok here is where Jennifer does bad. :(

You should know …right now….that sometimes…when I am worn down and exhausted…negativity comes out…and unfair negativity. Which is wrong. And not really me. But here it came…out.  I get in the cab and I say…..”MERRY XMAS”. Yeah…ok…Jennifer ….you really know how to throw an insult! …WAIT WAIT! There was more. I then said “F’ING INDIA”. :(

This was WAY out of line for me. But it just flowed right out of my evil American mouth.

I loved India. And it was not India’s fault. And everyone but him was incredible to me here. This guy was an ass. No one else. Well. Do not worry…the GOD'S saw and decided to let me know what I did. …….to be continued…

DHL rocks in Asia!!!

Soooo…..How should I play it this time? Bravado…check at the front door. “No…please you go first”….”I am fine to wait”….”No sir. No worries. …I am in

Just a simple blanket…made by local

craft people…yeah and maybe something…else…
probably a toy for a child, that is all. :)
(Photo: JLewis)

no rush…please take your time…I am just….poor innocent little girl who…umm..has just bought this cute scarf….and this cute blanket……isn’t is pretty….aren’t the craftspeople here amazing….and this city..(which by the way….actually does go down as one of top ten ever for me…honestly….I really want to go back…badly…I know….Calcutta? YES. Try it. )….and I am  super friendly and nice and sweet and…yeah also I have this little hard drive ….I need to send home. Please dear sir can you help?” Eyelash blink…blink….blink.….”I am just a sad little soul”….blink blink.

Response….(I swear to god)….”Mam”….”Come sit back here behind the counter and lets shoot the shit about America while I type up your order.” 

SCORE!!! DHL WINS BY A LANDSLIDE!!!

The adventure continues in Calcutta….Again.

I will talk …to anyone

So…I have found that sometimes…I miss talking so much…and want to joke around…in my own fashion….that I prefer to just chat…at people that don’t speak English. It is the same way I sometimes do with small children and…dogs. They don’t understand…but they look at you like they do…and they like what you are saying. So I can tell all my stupid jokes without negative feedback. And ..it usually makes me laugh even more…because I realize I am talking….to absolutely no one! Oh Jennifer! :)

Fed Ex sucks! In Asia

So…I need to send out the rest of my film files. There were no Fed Ex locations in Bhaglapur, so had to wait till I got to Calcutta. With a lot of trouble (drivers never know where anything is)…me and the cab driver and his buddy who just came for the ride…found the location!!! I get out and go inside. And I decide this time to just act like I know what I am doing…there is nothing wrong going on here…just accept the hard drive and send it to America.

Source: disney.wikia.com/wiki/File:Star-Wars

Jedi mind tricks. NOT.

I forget where I am….male dominated world. Bravado females suck…and should be questioned…etc. Damn it. I totally miscalled that one! So they are super highly suspicious of the drive. Damn it. They decide they have to look through it….after asking me….if I have porn on it! I want to say…do I look like I would ?….and then realize….maybe I do?…Do I? I don’t know! Oh bother. 

So anyway…they begin the arduous task of looking at …yes…EVERY SINGLE PHOTO of which there are 1000’s on the drive. I am getting super nervous bc I cannot see anything this guy is doing and worry he could be copying my files. So I finally ask what’s up.

They decide I need a local address…not a hotel. I say fine. I give them the University address in Bhaglapur. Not good enough….they now want the University professor’s passport number I worked with…which of course I carry everywhere! NOT..NEVER! EVER! I am done. Not sending. Shit.

Should I give up? Or comtinue? There is DHL. I have never used them and am worried. But….I will be screwed if I loose this second half of the film footage. So gotta try. Ok. Off to find a DHL.

And the day goes on

I get to Patna. I have lots of extra time. Feel like crap still, but thinking I should not loose the chance to get more b roll. There is this tourist office in the airport so I go in there and ask if I could get an English speaking driver to take me around town for an hour or two. They get this guy who works in security. He does speak pretty good. They say 1500 for 2 hours. Hmmmm…kind of steep…but in two hours if it goes well….which by the way….always assume it f’ing won’t!…..I am saying this to me…not to you…..because I never listen and must be told things repeatedly….NEVER assume in a Jennifer story ….ow my stomach is killing me….sorry….never assume it will all go right. JENNIFER!!!

So…I hop in his personal car…..umm…..am I making a good choice here? Maybe another will in whatsapp would be a good idea…or just to let someone know how I died. For closure.

Of course…everyone has their own ideas about what would be great to film…like old statues and concrete buildings. I can explain till I am blue…but the only thing I have learned is NEVER BRING ANYONE ALONG!!! It always fucks up your shots. They want to direct….they have no idea how long it takes to get the camera in the right setting and to get the right framed shot….what works when people suddenly move into another position…NOTHING!..THEY UNDERSTAND NOTHING. AND THEY WILL DRIVE YOU TO KILL KITTENS!!!!

So…we finish and head back…and then the usual questions come in. Guess.. GO ahead…I am sure you can…So you married?….why not?….no kids?….why not?…..want to marry me? ….hmmm……I see….you are old enough to be my mom….let me consider this….yeah that is fine.

And then the unusual…..so can you give me money to build a school? And get me a job in America?

Ok. So far the answers are no….no….and no. An uncomfortable silence falls upon us. We are still not back. He asks if I will remember him….I am wondering if I will taste good when they boil me up to feed me to the local cows. I decide I should give an emphatic yes….if only he knew why.

You may be happy to know…or maybe unhappy to know….that I actually recorded some of the above on film. See below.   

I….am…..magic..:)

Rickshaw bike driver succeeds. Now at train station.

I am once again reminded of being the odd man out…here alone by myself I get a lot of stares…. I would stare also if frosty the snowman got on a rickshaw and started travelling through my city. Right?!! You have to admit that would be pretty f’ing interesting to watch!

Source:www.railwayreservation.net

However, I am not hassled at all…which is such a relief compared to some of the other places I have been. Where they are in your face immediately. No one does that here. I get to do what I need to do.

I now have a six hour ride to Patna, and….I still have DB. And…I don’t wanna know what my options are on this train. Mind over matter….mind over matter. I am magic….for six hours. I …am….magic….

One more rickshaw….please.

So my Bhaglapur people suggested I take the bike rickshaw to the train station. The motorized ones here in this region are not used for onsies. They pack em! Just like a car of clowns….but ….no one is a clown. Ok...for those of you that want or desire political correctness…I know I shouldn’t assume. ….for the love of god…Some could be clowns. Anyway….

So I get one…and he sees my luggage and sees me load it. But I think everyone that sees me WAY under calculates the weight of my backpack. Smallish girl…backpack…how much could it possibly weigh? Have you met Jennifer the small pack horse? I have loved to see each man I have worked with at the point in the journey where for some reason they picked it up to hand it to me and they look on their faces as they realized they’d need both arms to get it to me. They all cannot believe I have been hauling that.

Photo: JLewis

So…rickshaw driver did the same. And this is where all my real luggage weight is. Poor guy…He starts off like we will whiz along…he immediately has to start stand biking. I felt so bad. People walking were passing us. But….wtf could I do now? I knew he didn’t speak English. And I had to get to the train station. I paid him four times the price asked.  He still looked really bummed. I think he needed a nap.